I am one of President George W. Bush's gardeners. Mr. George likes to talk to me.

Friday, June 18, 2004

Mr. George Sulks

When I came in to work today, late again, I hurried to the garden on the west side of the White House, only to find Mr. George sitting in a lawn chair with bottles of Robitussin strewn around the flower bed. He had my walking stick. I have been looking for my cane for weeks.

"Rough night, Mr. George?"

"Do you think I'm a better man than my father?"

"I think you're both great men."

"He was a better athlete."

"You both participated in sports in college."

"My Dad was captain of the baseball team. I was on the cheerleading squad."

"You both went to Harvard and Yale."

"My Dad was Phi Beta Kappa. I got a C average taking easy classes."

"You both excelled at business."

"My Dad made the family fortune in the oil industry. I lost a bunch of his money."

"You were both fighter pilots during a war."

"My Dad flew 58 missions, got shot down, and won the Distinguished Flying Cross. I was too drunk to remember flying them little trainer planes around in Texas."

"You're both running campaigns that claim you're like Ronald Reagan."

"My Dad's a numb nuts."

"Listen here, Mr. George. You took out Saddam. Your Dad couldn't. People like you more. Plus your father never owned a baseball team, and he never printed out baseball cards with his picture on them. You did. And your father never got reelected as President. You're going to win, Mr. George. You're going to win!"

Mr. George rose slowly from the lawn chair. He handed me my walking stick, and without saying a word, walked into the White House, slow and dignified.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this for real? I mean, did George big and George little really do and not do all those things?

June 24, 2004 at 1:55 PM

 
Blogger Lenny G said...

It's an accurate picture, except for the Robitussin. Also, I think Little George was a cheerleader in high school, not in college. His C average is true, although I've read his GPA reported as C+. Oh, and Little George probably wasn't too drunk to remember flying the trainer planes, although he did have a drinking (and drug?) problem from which he repented. He was certainly no war hero like his father. And Little George did own the Texas Rangers — his first successful business venture — and he really did have his picture put on baseball cards. Big George really was a good college athlete and student and a war hero fighter pilot.

June 25, 2004 at 3:41 PM

 

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