Kerry's Speech

John Kerry spoke too fast and must have lost ten pounds of sweat, yet still managed to bore me to sleep. I fear that if he is made president, when he comes out to talk to me, I would fall asleep on my feet, with a rake still in my hand. I guess we could talk about the Vietnam War. I was in the Mekong Delta myself, at least until I gave up on the bureaucratic army and decided that the only way to get anything done was to go out on my own. I hand-picked a crack group of soldiers, set up camp deep in the jungle, and gave the Viet Cong all kinds of hell. The army bureaucrats kept sending Colonels in to "eliminate" me as a threat, but let's just say that I survived the horror.