I am one of President George W. Bush's gardeners. Mr. George likes to talk to me.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Interview Practice

Ronald Reagan's remains were finally laid to rest yesterday after a whirlwind tour across the country. It's sad that we forget our great leaders so quickly. I hope the same fate does not befall Mr. George, who returned from his trip tan and vivacious. He found me in the garden outside the East Wing, and told me he needed my help. Karl Rove is already putting the finishing touches on the campaign victory. The economy will continue its gradual recovery, the price of oil will drop, failure in Iraq will be blamed on the liberal media, and Bin Laden will be captured in October. To be re-elected, Mr. George just needs to succeed in the debates and in interviews with the press.

Mr. George wanted me to help improve his interviewing skills. He asked me to write down three questions. I removed my gardening gloves, wrote out the questions, and went back to work. When Mr. George returned a few hours later, we practiced:

ME: Who is the greatest basketball player of all time?

MR. GEORGE: I think that depends on who has the most upside potential. Do you want to go with a center like Wilt or Kareem, or do you want to go with an upsided player like Michael Jordan?

ME: What does upside potential have to do with retired players?

MR. GEORGE: Let me finish. Let me finish. Will you please just let me finish?

ME: Yes.

MR. GEORGE: I'd say it's a four-way tie.

[Long pause.]

ME: Who is the greatest rock band of all time?

MR. GEORGE: I think you have to look at 50 Cent as being a great band. The kids just love them, and they use the guitar in a very unique fashion. They're like guitarial, um, entrepeneurs.

ME: What-

MR. GEORGE: Let me finish, let me finish! Please! You ask the question, and then I'll answer them, if you don't mind.


MR. GEORGE: So I think 50 Cent and Radiohead are the greatest rock bands.

ME: Thank you for your time.


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