I am one of President George W. Bush's gardeners. Mr. George likes to talk to me.

Friday, August 27, 2004

How Mr. George Can Win

John Kerry flip-flops and didn't really serve in Vietnam — I know, because I was there, knee-deep in the muck and the blood. Unfortunately, the liberal media has helped him take a small lead over Mr. George in the polls. When Mr. George returns from his vacation in Texas, I will present to him my Four Point Plan for Four More Years of Fortitude:

1. Continue the negative attacks on John Kerry. This Swift Boat Thing for Truth is working great. Keep that up. These guys may not have their stories straight, but the important thing is that voters used to think that John Kerry won a Silver Star, a Bronze Star, and three Purple Hearts, but now they know that one of his Purple Heart awards is questionable, that the amount of enemy fire during the Bronze Star "heroics" wasn't really that severe, that he only fought in combat for four quick months, and that John Kerry was in Cambodia during Tet but not during Christmas. When you compare Kerry's bizarre, almost cowardly, war actions against those of Mr. George, who do you think will win over voters?

2. Capture Osama Bin Laden. Saddam Hussein wasn't solely responsible for the attack of America.

3. Emphasize your connection to Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Jesus wouldn't raise taxes. Jesus wouldn't let homosexuals get married. Jesus wouldn't let human cells be used for research. But Jesus would take the fight to the enemy in the War on Terror.

4. Allow another terrorist attack to happen. That is, ignore any terrorist alerts you may receive. For example, if someone gives you a memo like the one that said, "Bin Laden Determined to Attack in the United States," ask for more specifics and take no action. After the attack, you can convince America that a vote for Kerry is a vote for terror.


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